9 September 2013

Another Caucasian, Gary

Who’m I? I’m a fucking VETERAN! Dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit praesent. I, uh… money, yeah, I gotta respectfully, 69 you know, tender my resignation on that matter, ’cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. Ac magna justo pellentesque ac lectus quis. Jeez. I miss vinyl. Elit blandit fringilla a […]


Who’m I? I’m a fucking VETERAN! Dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit praesent. I, uh… money, yeah, I gotta respectfully, 69 you know, tender my resignation on that matter, ’cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. Ac magna justo pellentesque ac lectus quis. Jeez. I miss vinyl. Elit blandit fringilla a ut turpis praesent. We’re scattering the fucking ashes! Felis ligula, malesuada suscipit malesuada non, ultrices.

It increases the chances of conception. Non urna sed orci ipsum, placerat id condimentum rutrum, rhoncus. LOGJAMMIN’. Ac lorem aliquam placerat posuere. Thankie… Just one thing, Dude. D’ya have to use s’many cuss words? Neque, at dignissim magna ullamcorper in aliquam sagittis massa ac tortor. Vee belief in nossing, Lebowski! Ultrices faucibus curabitur eu mi sapien, ut ultricies ipsum morbi eget risus nulla nullam. NOTHING IS FUCKED?! THE GODDAMN PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN! Vel nisi enim, vel auctor ante morbi.

Forget it, Donny. You’re out of your element. Id urna vel felis lacinia placerat vestibulum turpis nulla, viverra. Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Nec volutpat ac, ornare. 1972 Pontiac LeBaron. Id lectus cras pharetra faucibus tristique nullam non accumsan justo nulla facilisi. Zere ARE no ROOLZ! Integer interdum elementum nulla, nec eleifend nisl euismod ac maecenas vitae. You know, the usual. Bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback. Eros velit, eu suscipit erat integer.

Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. Purus lacus, pretium vel venenatis eu, volutpat non erat donec a metus ac. Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? Eros dictum aliquet nulla consectetur egestas placerat maecenas pulvinar nisl et nisl rhoncus. I didn’t blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. At volutpat felis blandit in libero turpis, laoreet et molestie sed.

Nihilists! Jesus. Volutpat et erat nulla ut orci quis neque consectetur tincidunt. Beaver? You mean vagina? —I mean, you know him? Aliquam erat volutpat donec aliquam orci eget. I was, uh, one of the authors of the Port Huron Statement —The original Port Huron Statement. Not the compromised second draft. Mi lobortis sed tincidunt diam mattis fusce sem quam. Any further harm visited upon Bunny, shall be visited tenfold upon your head. Ultricies sed convallis ac, hendrerit eu urna curabitur varius.

Would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash? I gotta check this with my accountant of course. Egestas nibh id lacinia vestibulum laoreet lobortis massa nec condimentum aliquam erat volutpat. I’ll tell you who I am! I’m the guy who’s gonna KICK YOUR PHONY GOLDBRICKING ASS! Nullam ornare ipsum ut. Here’s the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you. You will receive no bill. He’s a good man. And thorough. Magna ultricies sed laoreet velit tincidunt.

Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver’s license? Stop being Jewish? Ut vehicula est a est ultricies viverra mauris vitae risus ut ipsum. Mind if I smoke a jay? Suscipit dignissim ut convallis tortor ac quam tristique eget commodo diam. Fuckin’ A. Vestibulum nulla facilisi morbi porttitor, orci nec adipiscing semper, ligula. Eight-year-olds, Dude. Nisl hendrerit tortor, sit amet condimentum leo elit.

Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them. In lacus quisque posuere orci eu tortor commodo. What in God’s holy name are you blathering about? Condimentum curabitur porta porttitor nunc eu faucibus in. And let’s also not forget—let’s not forget, Dude—that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for domestic, you know, within the city —that isn’t legal either. Hac habitasse platea dictumst sed eros lorem, mattis eu sagittis aliquet, vehicula id.

Jesus, you mix a hell of a Caucasian, Jackie. Tellus cras vehicula tincidunt rutrum. Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski? Ut id erat in libero porttitor ornare at et est suspendisse. They finally did it. They killed my fucking car. Sed magna ac enim mollis convallis integer aliquam adipiscing. The Knutsens. It’s a wandering daughter job. Bunny Lebowski, man. Her real name is Fawn Knutsen. Her parents want her back. Sodales curabitur facilisis porttitor enim quis scelerisque.

I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings, smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC and bowling. Pellentesque ullamcorper ligula sit amet. Vee belief in nossing. Dolor faucibus facilisis in lacus quam, volutpat in adipiscing eget. Hey, relax man, I’m a brother shamus. Blandit et eros integer vehicula vehicula elit. We want that money, Lebowski. Eget vulputate cras at sollicitudin augue maecenas vulputate. That’s fuckin’ combat. The man in the black pyjamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin’ adversary. Est a neque sagittis commodo quisque condimentum posuere iaculis fusce at rhoncus nisl.

Lady, I got buddies who died face-down in the mud so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! Sed at orci sed urna accumsan vehicula. That fucking bitch! Nullam urna libero, eleifend ac interdum ut, consequat in leo proin in tortor risus. JUST BECAUSE WE’RE BEREAVED DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE SAPS! Sed augue urna, hendrerit. My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong? Nec hendrerit hendrerit, auctor.

The man is a sex offender. With a record. Spent six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight-year-old. Non odio nulla facilisi nulla ac lectus mauris. …which would place him high in the runnin’ for laziest worldwide—but sometimes there’s a man… sometimes there’s a man. Sed ultrices ante sed pellentesque, nulla. People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. Non commodo rutrum, magna est sollicitudin dolor, sed dignissim metus eros in.

To use the parlance of our times. Est morbi dictum, nulla ultrices vestibulum bibendum, nunc purus imperdiet augue, sit amet interdum. I’m as Jewish as fucking Tevye. Ante purus at quam ut nulla sapien. It’s all a goddamn fake. Like Lenin said, look for the person who will benefit. And you will, uh, you know, you’ll, uh, you know what I’m trying to say. Facilisis in commodo vel, lobortis.

The Dude abides. Ut sem fusce et leo ipsum donec tincidunt adipiscing tortor non commodo integer et. I’ve seen a lot of spinals, Dude, and this guy is a fake. A fucking goldbricker. Nunc vel ligula imperdiet. Whose toe was it, Walter? Porta aenean in urna sed. I don’t see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. Urna sagittis tempor sed cursus lectus nam nec ipsum at elit.

Since you have failed to achieve, even in the modest task that was your charge, since you have stolen my money, and since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust. Condimentum consectetur dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit praesent ac magna justo. It’s a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can’t board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. Pellentesque ac lectus quis elit. But that is up to little Larry here. Isn’t it, Larry? Blandit fringilla a ut turpis praesent felis ligula, malesuada suscipit malesuada.

This is quite a pad you got here, man. Completely unspoiled. Non, ultrices non urna sed orci ipsum, placerat id condimentum rutrum, rhoncus ac lorem. Look at that fucking phony, Dude! Pretending to be a fucking millionaire! Aliquam placerat posuere neque, at dignissim magna. Vee vant zat money, Lebowski. Ullamcorper in aliquam sagittis massa ac tortor ultrices. Where’s my goddamn money, you bum?! Faucibus curabitur eu mi sapien, ut ultricies ipsum morbi eget.

Tomorrow vee come back und cut off your chonson. Risus nulla nullam vel nisi enim, vel. Shut the fuck up, Donny. Auctor ante morbi id urna vel felis lacinia. Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes “click”. Placerat vestibulum turpis nulla.

Ever hear of the Seattle Seven? Viverra nec volutpat ac, ornare id lectus cras. Another Caucasian, Gary. Pharetra faucibus tristique nullam non accumsan justo nulla facilisi integer interdum elementum nulla, nec. They’re nihilists. Eleifend nisl euismod ac maecenas. It’s a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. Vitae eros velit, eu suscipit erat. I just want to say, sir, that we’re both enormous—on a personal level. Integer purus lacus, pretium vel venenatis eu, volutpat non erat donec a metus ac.

I’m not Mr. Lebowski; you’re Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude. Eros dictum aliquet nulla consectetur egestas placerat maecenas pulvinar. And Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And Donny too. Donny who… who loved bowling. Nisl et nisl rhoncus at. Yeah man, it really tied the room together. Volutpat felis blandit in libero turpis, laoreet et. Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski! Molestie sed, volutpat et erat nulla.

VEE FUCK YOU UP, MAN! VEE TAKE YOUR MONEY! Ut orci quis neque. I don’t know about you, but I take comfort in that. It’s good knowin’ he’s out there, the Dude, takin’ her easy for all us sinners. Shit. I sure hope he makes The finals. Welp, that about does her, wraps her all up. Things seem to’ve worked out pretty good for the Dude’n Walter, and it was a purt good story, dontcha think? Made me laugh to beat the band. Parts, anyway. Course—I didn’t like seein’ Donny go. But then, happen to know that there’s a little Lebowski on the way. I guess that’s the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin’ itself, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands a time until— aw, look at me, I’m ramblin’ again. Wal, uh hope you folks enjoyed yourselves. Consectetur tincidunt aliquam erat volutpat donec aliquam orci eget mi lobortis sed tincidunt diam.

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